


Come Back and Haunt Me

by shinnyluvssuju



Category: The Young Ones (TV 1982)
Genre: Childhood Sexual Abuse, Flashbacks, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Self-Harm, Trauma
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-05
Updated: 2020-05-05
Packaged: 2021-03-02 22:46:52
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24024550
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/shinnyluvssuju/pseuds/shinnyluvssuju
Summary: It feels like whatever has been eating away at his heart all his life is really beginning to make some headway, and Vyvyan isn't quite sure how much heart hes got left in there.
Relationships: Vyvyan Basterd/Rick (Young Ones)
Kudos: 12





	Come Back and Haunt Me

**Author's Note:**

> Hey guys... so I know things have been crazy. Despite having a lot of time to write during this apocalyptic pandemic, it's all really been taking a toll on me mentally. I know I've got quite a few things on here to catch up on, and I will. Thank you for bearing with me through it all. This fic really helped me get some things out. I know it's dark... but I hope you can still enjoy it, and there will be happy and fun stuff to come. I hope you all are okay and safe. xoxox Sam

Vyvyans head is absolutely swimming (more like drowning) in the chaos its creating. Hes only been at the hospital for three hours, and a panicky feeling has already set in that tells him he cant fucking do this. It's a busy day, and where the pressure usually makes him thrive today hes just messing up and dragging everyone down with him. He hates nothing more than when he does this. His fellow students and instructors tell him that it's fine and mistakes happen, but Vyvyan knows hes pestering everybody just by being there and acting absolutely useless.

Soon it's time to take a break, and Vyvyan sees his instructor grab his pack of smokes and head out the back door. Vyvyan does the same, rushing after him.

"Alright," his instructor nods at him, lighting his fag.

Vyvyan takes a deep breath. "I'm uh, really, really sorry about before during that blood draw. I don't know what's gotten into me, I never mess up like that--"

"Vyvyan," the older man interrupts. "Its okay, really. It happens to the best of us."

Vyvyan sighs and takes a drag. "I wont keep doing this. I think I'm just having an off day? I'll work harder."

"Whens the last time you've slept, mate?" the instructor asks him.

Vyvyan blinks. "Um... dunno, actually. Why?"

"I've been a doctor for thirteen years. Working in a hospital can keep you up all hours of the night. Insomnia comes with the job. But insomnia also comes with mistakes, and medically you cant afford to do that. For your own safety, and everyone elses."

"You're right," is all Vyvyan can think to say while feeling like hes just been stepped on.

"Go home, Vyvyan. Take a load off, and come back tomorrow."

He just nods, gathers his things, and heads to the bus stop.

It dark by the time Vyvyan makes it back to the flat. He sulks up to his room, ignoring Neil and saying hi to Mike on the way. He wonders where Rick is. He cant hear Rick's dramatic high pitched girl voice, so surely he couldn't be in the flat. Vyvyan sulks and collapses onto his bed. He lazily takes off the scrubs he has on over his clothes and struggles to kick off his Doc Martens.

Although all he wants to do is sleep, his pulse keeps racing. It's really making him antsy, so he bolts up and begins pacing around his bedroom. His fingertips and cheeks are going numb. No bloody way, this wasn't going to happen now. Nothing makes him feel such a weak child more than an anxiety attack. Vyvyan needs away from this feeling, and only one idea crosses his mind.

Vyvyan kicks open Neil's bedroom door and stares at the hippie laying on his bed with headphones on. He takes them off and whines, "Oh yeah do come in Vyvyan! Like, I totally wasn't sitting here enjoying the peace and quiet or anything."

"I didn't ask, now did i?! Just shut up and give me some of your pot!"

Neil's eyes widen, and then he looks amused. "Ooooooh, you wanna get high, right? Get a little loose and loopy? Yeah, I got some."

"Then hand it over!" Vyvyan demands.

"Alright, alright! You're like, seriously harshing my own high. How about you give us some money, yeah? And I'd be like, happy to give you some."

"How about this," Vyvyan suggests. "I will give you nothing, you will give me enough marijuana to tranquilize an elephant, and in return I will not shove your head so far up your own arse you'll be wandering around on all fours for weeks looking for the light switch?"

Neil grimaces. "Alright, jeez, you're such a bummer Vyvyan." He throws the punk a ziploc full of herb. Vyvyan snatches it and leaves without another word.

He rolls a few joints in his room and gets to smoking. He even puts on a Motorhead record, but no good. It feels like whatever has been eating away at his heart all his life is really beginning to make some headway, and Vyvyan isn't quite sure how much heart hes got left in there. If he were to bang on his chest it would probably sound hollow like the Tin Man. The Wizard of Oz. Mum's favorite film.

He opens his desk drawer and pulls out one of the razor blades hes left scattered about. He sits on the desk, joint hanging from his lips and damage implement between his fingers. His mum's voice sounds like a banshee in his head. 'Vyvyan, tell them you made it all up because you're a selfish brat of a child who needs to learn that he cant always get his way!' The cop had asked him then if he really had just made up the allegation to spite his mother. His thirteen year old self said yes, he had made it all up. It wasnt the truth, of course. He had only told the policeman what his mother wanted to hear. He feared that if he didn't, his mother would do it again, and worse this time.

That is a lot of blood. Vyvyan doesn't mean to cut that deep but he cannot take it back. Besides, his thoughts are elsewhere. They're on the bloke mum dated when Vyvyan was fifteen, a kid too scrawny to defend himself and too scared to speak up. Mum's boyfriend was a hardened street type. He drank cheap bourbon all day long and smoked cigars that left the whole house smelling. He was always high. And he was high when he confronted young Vyvyan about something or another and cornered him in their garage. He placed his dirty hand tightly over Vyvyans mouth, and it didn't occur to him what was about to happen until mum's boyfriend grabbed him somewhere that your mum's boyfriend should never grab you. Vyvyan tried to push him back, but it was absolutely futile. He wasn't strong enough. A beacon of hope came in the form of his mum walking in on the scene. Surely she would stop this. Instead, she stared at Vyvan and hissed, "You better keep this quiet." Then she left him there. Left him there with that man, the one Vyvyan still cant get out of his nightmares. She didn't save him. She didn't want to.

Christ, his arm is getting sore. Despite the physical distraction it alleviates none of his emotional pain. It's been a while since hes felt this low. He decides to try to succeed at what he failed to do last time. Adrenaline pumping, he finds a pen and paper and scribbles a few sentences on it. He leaves it on the desk and goes downstairs to the front door.

"Where to, Vyv?" Mike asks without looking up from the latest edition of Fangoria.

"Just pickin' up something," he says.

When he gets home he goes right back into his bedroom, only this time he isn't alone. Vyvyan nearly has a stroke until he realizes that its Rick standing there at his desk, and hes holding the letter Vyvyan had written about an hour earlier. The two stare at each other for an uncomfortable length of time.

Rick clears his throat. "So you were just going to leave without saying goodbye then?" he asks, eyes red and watery. Vyvyan isn't quite sure what he means, but Rick fills in the blanks as always. "You wrote this letter to Mike and Neil. How come they get a heads up that you're topping yourself and I don't?"

Vyvyan cant bring himself to formulate a response. He grabs the letter from Rick's hand and crumples it up. He throws it on the floor, stomps on it, and then sits on the bed with his head in his hands. Rick's breath is shaky as he sits down next to Vyvyan. "W-what was your plan, how were you gonna do it?"

Vyvyan sniffles and wipes his eyes. "Was gonna take a bunch of painkillers. It was all I could find on short notice. I wanted to get some heroin, because that stuff is way easy to OD on. It wouldn't take much to kill me, but my bloody idiot drug dealer only had pills so I bought em."

"Vyvyan! God, just the mere thought... can you give me the pills, Vyv?" He looks at Rick, unsure. "Come on, I'm here now, you don't need those anymore. Give em here."

Vyvyan sighs and produces the bag of pills from his trouser pocket. Rick takes them with a trembling hand and looks at them as if they're some sort of mythical object. "Can I have one of them just to calm my nerves?" Vyvyan asks as a last resort.

Rick considers this. He takes one out and holds it in his hand. "...half. That sounds safer."

"Come on Rick, just one. Please," Vyvyan begs. "I'm desperate."

"I've never seen you like this," Rick says softly. He gives Vyvyan the pill. "Just one, no more! The rest are getting flushed down the toilet."

Vyvyan feels hot tears well in his eyes and it's so stupid and embarrassing. He doesn't want Rick to get rid of the pills. He wants to keep them as a sort of safety net. But there's no way Rick will let that happen. He groans and runs his fingers through his hair. "Fine, sure."

Rick throws them to the side and sits there shaking. He hesitantly puts his arms around Vyvyan, who doesn't flinch away. Vyvyan actually welcomes this gesture of affection, and wraps his arms around Rick's torso. He rests his aching head on Rick's shoulder and nuzzles into his neck. He inhales Rick's scent and hes grateful for the sensory change. It's nice to feel something palpable, something real.

"Are you okay Vyvyan?" Rick asks in a whisper. Vyvyan doesn't answer, and just holds Rick closer. "Talk to me, you bastard. Tell me what's on your mind."

Vyvyan faces Rick now, and they're so close their noses are touching. He hears Rick hold his breath, and something in Vyvyan makes him press his lips lightly to Rick's. Rick nervously kisses back, but realizes what's happening. He gently pulls back, and Vyvyan looks hurt by this. Rick sighs. He cant believe hes denying something hes always wanted, but he has to. "Avoiding the problem wont help," Rick says. He strokes Vyvyan's face, who closes his eyes and leans into the touch. "How about... how about you just lay down with me, Vyvyan."

They lay in Vyvyans bed together, facing each other and limbs tangled. Vyvyan cries once in a while but Rick is there to hold him and wipe his eyes and let Vyvyan wipe his nose on his blazer sleeve. Sometimes he mutters things that Rick doesn't understand, but it doesn't matter. Eventually Vyvyan cries himself out and gets sleepy. His breathing slows and he isn't so tense anymore.

Rick thinks Vyvyan is asleep until Vyvyan says, "I didn't put you in the letter because... I have no idea how I would even begin to say goodbye to you. One letter could never cut it." Rick tears up himself. "What could I ever say to you? How could I ever sum you up?"

"Vyvyan..."

"I'm sorry. I figured when i was a ghost I'd just haunt ya."

"You better," Rick says, kissing his hair. "I don't want a world without Vyvyan. Now go to sleep, crazy. I'll be right here."

Vyvyan drifts off to sleep glad, because he never wants a world without Rick. Hes a bastard, but hes Vyvyans bastard.


End file.
